Enfj With Intj Relationship Analysis Essays

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Complementary Pairings (Part 1)
Idealists & Rationals
By Dr. Lovegood

The most common type of pairing is the complementary type. Rationals and Idealists complement each other as do Guardians and Artisans. We'll look first at Rationals with Idealists and then Guardians with Artisans in the next article. Rationals and Idealists both live in the world of what might be. They're more likely to look for solutions to problems in how they think rather than what they do. Both are likely to enjoy long conversations about ideas, although Rationals prefer logical ideas and Idealists prefer people-oriented ideas.

Rationals are drawn to Idealists because they are good sounding boards for the Rational's ideas, and they readily express positive emotions. Idealists are drawn to Rationals because they are able to understand the Idealist's ideas and have excellent emotional control.

Jesse is a Rational Architect (INTP). He felt very awkward around women. He didn't know what to talk about and didn't like small talk anyway. In college, he met Aria, an Idealist Counselor (INFJ). He was amazed at how easy it was to talk to her. He didn't even have to think about it. She loved listening to his ideas, commenting on them, adding to them, and occasionally debating him on some of them. Love hit him like a thunderbolt.

Claudia is an Idealist Teacher (ENFJ) with very high expectations for love. She found herself rejecting many different men because they didn't live up to her ideal of the perfect soulmate. Then she met Jeff, a Rational Mastermind (INTJ). He loved listening to her dreams and aspirations. She knew she could trust him not to tell anyone else her secrets. Eventually, she did figure out he had flaws, but by that time, she was far gone.

Dr. Keirsey recommends Rational-Idealist pairings and suggests that the best combinations would be the 'opposite,' that is, ENTJ with INFP, ENTP with INFJ, INTJ with ENFP, and INTP with ENFJ. Each of these pairs has the 'N' in common, but nothing else. Anecdotal evidence appears to support his suggestions. If the couple has too much in common, they are likely to have some obvious weak areas. For example, a Rational Inventor (ENTP) with an Idealist Champion (ENFP) have only one letter different. This couple is likely to have lots of fun generating ideas and excitement but may have difficulty actually bringing ideas to fruition. Also, it is likely that neither one of them will be wild about housework or maintenance. Couples with a lot in common may find it easier to communicate but may also find it more difficult to get everything done.

Joys and Struggles

This section INTJ-ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INTJ-ENFJ relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:



  • Are attracted by each other's difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.

  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.

  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.


  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.

  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked - and Extroverts usually don't ask. 

  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction. 



  • Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.

  • This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other. 

  • Both tend to enjoy each other's uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on. 

  • Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.


  • However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected. 

  • Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.

  • The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.

  • A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.



  • Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler's compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self. 

  • Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense. 

  • The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.


  • Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler. 

  • Thinkers may not understand the Feeler's desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler's behavior and deem them complicated. 

  • Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don't show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship. 



  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.

  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes. 

  • They will also appreciate their partner's ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top. 

  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together. 


  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards. 

  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.

  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options. 

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INTJ-ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.

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